OK, I actually wrote this and posted it last year but due to technical difficulties deleted it. I wasn't sure if anyone was interested in reading it again or for the first time but in honor of the finale I thought I would repost my only contribution to the fandom in my own little tribute.
I don't own anything. I'm not making any money, I'm just having a bit of fun. OH and I suck at posting on my journal so if the format sucks I'm sorry...I don't know how to fix it, believe me I've tried.
There are 3 parts.
“It’s all wrong, but it’s alright”
“Its all wrong, but its alright.
The way that you treat me baby.
Once I was strong but I lost the fight.
You won’t find a better loser.”
“Yep”, Sam thought upon awakening from yet another stint of hellish nightmares to find he was still “living” one known as
Of course that was a little unfair he reminded himself, Annie was nice in an “I won’t tell the others what a loon I really think you are” sort of a way. And at least he had his work, or so he kept trying to tell himself.
He was going to be late and he didn’t think the Guv would buy the excuse “I was up all night fending off a satanic blond girl with a clown doll who likes to torture me with her ambiguous commentary regarding my life or lack thereof,” excuse.
“My god, I hope the Guv is in a better mood than he has been since these burglaries started,” Sam thought without much hope. All of Hunt’s usual suspects had been paraded through the gauntlet known as “questioning” and nothing had been gained. His mood had quickly gone down hill from there. The Guv was going to have his ass.
“OH no”, Sam mentally slapped himself. More imagery he didn’t need. Lately, “never an ambiguous thought regarding his sexuality” Sam Tyler was having the most inappropriate thoughts regarding Gene Hunt at the most inappropriate times. For instance, in the Cortina he would sometimes be over come by the urge to grab the Guv’s arm. Just to touch him. At the station, Sam found himself looking for excuses to enter Gene’s office just to see with his own eyes that the big man was still there. Last night during another mental wrestling match with goldilocks Sam had a sudden desire for Gene to show up, throw her against a wall until she disappeared and then hold Sam until he could fall back to sleep (that little fantasy is what made her finally vanish). A good deal of his thoughts, however, were less than tame. Sometimes when Gene folded his arms over his chest and cocked his head a little to the side Sam just wanted to wrap his arms around him (as much as he could) and kiss him senseless. Sam also wanted to do other things to and with Gene that often times left him sweaty in the night, the kind of sweaty that had nothing to do with his nightmares.
He didn’t know why he was feeling this way about Gene Hunt of all people. He was a forward thinking, modern day man who could accept a change in his sexual orientation a lot quicker than he could accept who was causing said change. Maybe he was finally cracking up under the strain of it all, but he just wouldn’t accept that. Oh well, another day of repressing his new found desires and navigating wonky world was awaiting him and he better get to it before he analyzed himself to death.
With a feeling of shaky resolve Sam pushed himself upright and off his cot to get ready for another exciting day of trying to do his job properly against all odds and the undying hope that today will be the day Gene doesn’t punch him or someone else in the stomach, although he doubted it.
The station was a flurry of activity and Sam barely paused upon hearing Phyllis’s disgruntled shout, “The Guv says you’re to get your ass to his office now.”
That made Sam’s fake smile morph into a resigned grimace. “Oh great,” Sam thought, “Who are we going to be sending to the nurse today?”
With a determined gait Sam made it to DCI Hunt’s office without so much as a word of greeting to anyone, not even Chris who was bouncing awkwardly from one foot to the other hoping to be let in on whatever his superiors were working, it was his only hope of getting out of helping Ray question some of his informants later that morning. That always meant a thumping from Ray because Chris always ended up doing something to deserve one, according to Ray at least. He was bypassed though in Sam’s haste not to leave his DCI waiting any longer than was necessary. Sam hadn’t gotten enough rest last night to fight with Gene, at least not before a cup of coffee.
Sam entered the Guv’s office as if it were his own, because in 2006, essentially it was. Hunt looked up from the file before him and scowled in his DI’s direction.
“Where in the bloody hell have you been, helping elderly nuns across the road this morning or what?” Hunt growled in his semi-annoyed tone.
“No Guv, Sorry, late night.” Sam replied in his caustic tone that would either raise the Guv’s hackles or would slide smoothly off his back. Sam never knew.
It did the latter.
“Well now that you have deemed us worthy of your presence, I have a lead on the Hollister case and I want you to help me get the byrd to cough. Skirts like you and your fancy talk so I figure she’ll be easier to trip if she’s busy mak’in eyes at you.
Sam stared at his boss for a moment before making a noise of disbelief. “You think I can charm your “lead” into talking.”
“Now now Sammy boy, don’t go gett’in any more puffed than you already are, I just want you to be what I consider your gitty self so that the byrd will like ya and I can ask the right questions without her kick’in me out of her dump.”
“Alright, let’s go before I actually start to feel all warm and fuzzy inside.” Sam stated while turning to leave.
“Nothing Guv lets go.”
As they sailed through the streets of Manchester Sam decided to question Gene. “What do you think this lady is going to be able to tell us?”
Gene blew out some air, obviously resigned now to explaining himself, at least somewhat, to his meticulous DI, “Apparently her brother was seen by some old bat of a neighbor lady passing by Hollister’s store right about the time it was burgled. There is a good chance he was either involved somehow or he seen someone who was. But the brother hasn’t been seen by anyone since and there is no record of him anywhere, at least according to Chris who volunteered to check. He spends too much time with you if you ask me. Anyway, according to the old bat she never even knew of the byrd having a brother before a few weeks ago. Something’s up, I can feel it. She’ll know where he’s hiding.”
As Gene squealed sideways coming to a complete stop in front of the flat that according to the Guv belonged to a “right busty skirt named Lana Taylor,” Sam let out the breath he’d been holding and turned to his boss.
“OK Guv, let me do all the talking until we get through the door and seated. Then once you see she is receptive to our enquiries you can start in with your questions, but keep them light and simple.”
Getting out of the Cortina Gene replied, “Thank you for the advice Headmistress Gladys but I think I know how to handle myself by now.”
Sam followed behind him, “Oh yes, you are subtlety personified.”
Gene shot Sam a quick scowl before forcefully banging the door with his fist so that it rattled and shook.
Sam let out an exasperated but resigned puff of breath and steeled himself for the job ahead of him. Alone, it wouldn’t have been a problem. But with Gene he knew he had to act fast before the Guv lost patience and decided to steamroll over the girl.
“Who is it?” a feminine voice enquired behind the door.
“Police, we only want to talk.” Sam replied before Gene could get any words out of his half opened mouth.
The door opened to reveal a petite blond woman in a floral patterned sun dress, Sam tried not to focus on her bust, which was impressive as it turns out.
Sam put on his best smile, “Hello Mrs. Taylor, my name is DI Tyler, and this is DCI Hunt. We would like to ask you a few questions.
Gene just nodded his quick jerk of the head.
“What is this about officers?” Lana asked nervously suddenly clutching desperately to the door as if it was the only thing keeping her on her feet.
“It is in regards to the Hollister burglary three nights ago. May we please come inside?” Sam hoped his gentlest most beguiling voice would work its usual magic because she knew something that much was obvious, it wouldn’t escape Gene’s notice and soon he’d be pouncing.
Gene’s shoulders shifted and his hands came unclasped in front of him. “Why don’t ya just let us in and answer our questions like a good girl and I won’t drag you down to my station and throw you into a holding cell like some sort of hooligan trash. MMM whadda say luv?”
During all this Lana’s eyes had widened into the shape of saucers and her mouth had fallen open.
“Well so much for charm”, Sam thought grimly, “at least he didn’t grab her by the collar of her dress.”
It worked though; Lana stepped aside and opened the door wide gesturing for them to pass through to the living room.
With a self satisfied grin sent Sam’s way Gene settled himself onto the loveseat in the middle of the room. With only one other chair in the room Sam had no choice but to join Gene where he sat. It was a tight squeeze and they sat practically touching. Sam shifted uncomfortably trying to find extra room for himself but it was futile so he settled down and endeavored to act completely unaffected by Gene’s nearness.
Sam turned his attention, like Gene, to Lana who was perched nervously on the edge of the lone chair situated directly across from the loveseat.
“I don’t know how I could be of any assistance sirs. I was here at home, sound asleep that night.”
Sam smiled, “That’s fine Mrs. Taylor. Actually we were wondering if you have seen your brother lately. We think he may have been in the wrong place at the right time and witnessed something important.”
“That’s not why your really here, is it?” She suddenly replied in an increasingly agitated tone, she jumped up and began pacing the floor. “The neighbors have told you about Billy’s episodes. Well there is nothing wrong with him and I would appreciate it if you could just leave us alone!”
Sam and Gene exchanged a look of mutual bewilderment before Sam turned back to Lana. Putting his hands out with his palms facing forward in a submissive, non threatening gesture, he replied soothingly, “Please Mrs. Taylor. Calm down, the neighbors have made no mention of any episodes your Billy may be having.”
Gene elbowed him in the ribs before whispering, “She’s a bit of a nutter.”
Sam sent him a quelling glance before asking Lana, “What are these episodes you are referring to Mrs. Taylor? If they were nothing you wouldn’t be so clearly upset. Perhaps I, I mean DCI Hunt and myself can help you.”
She swung to a complete stopped and stared directly at Sam. Her words denied wanting his help but her eyes seemed to plead for it.
“NO!” then calming herself, “No thank you DI Tyler, I appreciate your concern but it’s unnecessary. I’m handling everything myself.”
Exasperated and ready to get some lunch Gene’s voice commanded immediate attention, “Where, Mrs. Taylor, is your brother or is he not your brother and your just having it off behind your hubby’s back? Either way we need to be having words with him so tell us where we can find the git and we’ll leave ya to your breakdown.”
Sam sighed and looked sadly at the desperate looking woman in front of him. “Mrs. Taylor, please, let me help you. Whatever is going on with your Billy it seems like you need help? Talk to me. I want to be of help to you.
“Oh bugger,” Gene murmured sarcastically, “Mr. “Lets talk about our feelings I really care” is such a pain in my ass sometimes.”
Lana seemed to crumple right in front of their eyes as if weeks of pain and worry had just been lifted from her shoulders. And maybe they just had been.
“OH I’ve wanted to tell someone, to get advice, seek experts. I’m a widower raising me son all by myself. I would have gotten help before but I’ve just been so afraid they’d lock him away in a looney hospital. But now I’m thinking that’s what he needs.”
“Lana. May I call you Lana? Please start from the beginning.” Sam asked almost beseechingly.
“You won’t lock him up for a nutter will ya, or me either for that matter until ya get him proper help?”
“No, Lana, I’m only here to listen and hopefully be of some kind of service.” Sam smiled kindly.
“Well ya see my son’s name is Billy. He’s 6 years old and such a smart little lad. He’s staying with his grandma for a few months this summer. I love him to death. Anyway, about three weeks ago a man about your age shows up on my door step claiming to be my Billy, only from the future. Well I took him for a nutter but then he called me Lala. It’s a silly nickname Billy used to call me by when he was first learnin to talk. Instead of mum he’d say Lala. I just stared at him until I realized he had my Billy’s eyes, the spittin image they were. And he looked like me and me dead husband, God rest him, put together into a grown man and I just knew somehow this man was connected to me. Now he may be a nutter and I may be one for takin him in but I just couldn’t turn him away. Not lookin like and talking like my Billy. My husband’s gone and Billy’s all I got left and this man he just feels like he’s my family. But his head keeps gett’in more and more muddled. He keeps talk’in of voices and crying about how he can’t take it here and he wants to go home. I’m afraid he’s lost it completely now.”
Sam sat dumbfounded with shock. “How could this be? If there is someone else in this world like me then it isn’t all in my head! I’m not crazy. I really am hearing my mum. There is hope for getting back after all.” Sam’s frantic thoughts were interrupted by whom else?
“OH this is bloody wonderful. Our only lead and our only witness are complete round the bend nutters. Come on Sam, your buying my lunch. At a pub this time.” Gene stood and started to leave.
“Wait!” Sam shouted standing himself. “Lana where is Billy now?”
She looked shamefaced at Sam before looking down to the floor. “He’s upstairs. Locked himself into my little Billy’s room last night and won’t come out. Only noise I hear is him sobb’in, all night long it seems like. Please DI Tyler, you’ve got to help him. It’s my fault you see. I told him he needed help and that I was going to find someone to take care of him. It seemed to set him off and now he’s completely mad.”
“Right then,” Gene stated with finality, “We oust the looney from his room. Haul his ass down to the nutter house and get some lunch. I’m starvin.”
“Guv.” Sam said shaking his head while Lana Taylor looked on in horror;“We are going to go up there Lana and remove Billy for his own safety. Then we are going to speak with him and if it seems to me as if he needs professional help, we will take him to the hospital where trained professionals will do what they can to help him properly. Alright?”
She just nodded sadly, “Up the stairs, second door to the right.”
Sam nodded in reply and took after Gene who was already on the move.
“Guv, the man may be in understandable distress so we must tread carefully.”
“Yeah yeah Gladys, I get it, be nice to the nutter. Mind you if he steps out of line I’m knockin him a good one and you can help carry him to the car.”
Gene stopped at and yelled through the door where the sobbing was coming from, “Come on Billy boy, open it up.”
The sobbing continued showing no signs of stopping and Sam suddenly felt a desperate need to see Billy, speak with him.
Sam stepped around Gene and put his head to the door. “Billy, my name is Sam Tyler, I don’t belong here either and I want to try to help you.
Nothing happened and the sobbing continued. Sam decided to try something drastic.
“Do you know what a cell phone is, a MAC computer, an ipod?”
The sobbing suddenly stopped, and Sam smiled with a feeling of success until the door flew open and Billy had his hands wrapped securely about Sam’s neck. Pushing Sam forward as his grip tightened, Billy screamed, “NO MORE VOICES! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! I DON’T BELONG HERE! I CAN’T WAKE UP!” Unable to breathe Sam began an attempt to loosen Billy’s grip. He needn’t have worried, however, within an instant Gene had grabbed on to the back of Billy’s collar and punched him so hard something audibly cracked.
Billy fell to the floor and just like the punk from the pub Gene took up his shoulders motioning for Sam to take up his feet.
“You alright there Sammy boy?” Gene asked him as they moved slowly down the stairs with a limp Billy between them.
“Yeah Guv, Did you have to hit him so hard?”
“Why yes you Jesse, I did. Couldn’t have him harmin a sensitive little gent like yourself now could I. Think of Cartwright swoonin over your bruises.”
Sam smiled grimly, not in the mood to fight he stared intently down at Billy as they loaded him into Gene’s car. “This man may be just like me.” Sam thought, “This may all be real and I may have a chance of waking up and getting home.” Either way Sam knew he had to speak with Billy and not regarding what he saw outside Hollisters 3 nights earlier.
Lana Taylor had refused to ride along. She was distraught and wanted time alone. She would go see Billy later, after the doctors were done examining him.
Sam sat outside Billy’s examination room waiting for word. He had been there for going on 5 hours and he had no intention of leaving until he got to see Billy. Gene had left him there shortly after they arrived in search of lunch and as he put it “proper work.” He had tried to convince Sam to come with him but Sam wouldn’t budge. As he had left Gene had muttered something about coming back for him if he was still waiting around like a mother hen come quittin time. The Guv had sent him one last worried glance before exiting but Sam couldn’t bring himself to notice.
Doctors came and went from Billy’s room and then finally Billy emerged, flanked by two bulky orderlies, trussed up like a turkey. As they led him down the hall to some unknown room something inside of Sam split in two and he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. “That could so easily be me.” Sam thought in despair.
He turned and addressed one of the nurses.
“Excuse me may I speak with Billy’s doctor. My name is DI Sam Tyler and it is imperative I am kept abreast of his situation.”
“I’m afraid Mr. Taylor has had a complete mental breakdown. He will need to be committed and kept under lock and key for his own safety and the safety of others.” A kind looking gentleman in a white coat replied.
“Is it because of his assertion that he is from the future?” Sam enquired with a strange feeling of disembodiment.
“Well that certainly is part but not nearly the extent of Mr. Taylor’s dementia. He can barely string together a coherent sentence. He violently flinches from all human contact and babbles incessantly using no words just muddled sounds. He may have started out with a delusional fantasy of being from the future but under the stress of believing this to be true he suffered a severe nervous breakdown. We will do all we can Mr. Tyler but with cases like these one never knows.”
“May I see him? Just for a moment. I won’t say or do anything to upset him.”
“I don’t know Mr. Tyler…”
“PLEASE, doctor just for a moment.” Sam just had to see for himself. He believed Billy was like him, some poor bastard that somehow someway ended up asleep in a coma and woke up in the past. He had to see what he could become if his mind was to leave him.
“Alright, but just for a couple of minutes. And please don’t agitate him; we have administered some rather heavy sedatives so I don’t know if he will even acknowledge your presence.”
“Thank you Doctor.” Sam turned and the orderly standing near by moved forward to open the door and usher Sam inside.
In the far corner of the room they had shown Sam to, balled up on the floor, was a man who claimed to be Billy Taylor, time traveler and possible coma patient. Amazingly the sedatives had failed to put him to sleep and he simple rocked himself back and forth while restraints around his arms kept him protectively furrowed into himself. He mumbled low in his throat and for several moments Sam stood transfixed at the sight.
When Sam came back to himself he suddenly but cautiously moved forward farther into the room. In a soft understanding voice Sam began to speak to Billy,
“Billy, I don’t know how much of what I’m about to say you will actually understand but in case something is making it through my name is Sam Tyler and I believe we both have experienced the same unexplainable phenomenon of time travel while comatose. I thought it was all in my head to, some horrible dream, until you showed up. Maybe it’s not all in our heads after all Billy.”
Billy jackknifed into an upright position but continued to rock all the while never making eye contact with Sam.
He began to mumble louder but still Sam had to bend closer to hear what he was saying, “I can’t wake up. Don’t disconnect. Don’t disconnect. Not safe anywhere, not safe anywhere. No one, no one, no one.”
Over and over it continued until Sam couldn’t stand it, eyes filled with unshed tears he fled the room as if he had just seen a ghost. And perhaps he had, his own.
It was late afternoon now and the hospital corridors were strangely void of staff or visitors. Sam walked blindly through the corridors of the hospital until he felt his legs begin to shake and he knew they wouldn’t carry him any farther. Setting himself down in the nearest seating area Sam covered his ears with the palms of his hands and began to rock himself almost unknowingly mirroring Billy’s movements.
What had happened to him had happened to Billy as well, but Billy couldn’t take it and he cracked under the surreal insanity of it all. Would Sam eventually crack too? It was a thought he often asked himself. He couldn’t bare the thought of it actually happening.
Gene! Sam sat straight up glancing desperately around the sitting area. Where’s Gene? He needed Gene. He didn’t know why or how exactly he just knew he did. Then, as if he had read Sam’s thoughts, there was the man himself standing over him with a hand on his shoulder.
“You alright Sam. You look like a pile of dog shit.” Gene stated in his booming tone that carried throughout the halls. There was a glint of concern in his eyes though and he was watching Sam’s face very closely.
Sam couldn’t stop himself from launching out of his chair and wrapping his arms tightly around Gene’s middle. Unbelieving what he had just done but not caring Sam squeezed his eyes shut and held onto Gene as tightly as he could, as if he let go Gene would disappear and Sam would be taken away and put in the cell next to Billy’s.
Gene, in his usual manner, was surprised but recovered quickly. One large hand began to rub a small circle on Sam’s back while the other tentatively began to stroke through Sam’s hair with a gentleness that surprised not only Sam but Gene as well.
“Oh Sam, you little bastard, what am I to do with you huh?” Gene whispered as his head ducked down nearer to Sam’s. The hand on his back suddenly stilled but instead of drawing it away as Sam expected him to pressure was applied instead and Gene attempted to pull Sam closer to him, even though that was impossible due to Sam’s death grip.
Sam didn’t understand what was happening between them and was about to ask Gene when all of the sudden the sound of shoe heels clicking on the hard tile floor began to carry down the hall. A nurse was walking towards them. Gene moved away from Sam as quickly as he could and Sam regretfully let him go.
“It’s been a long day Sammy boy and they’ve been sayin you’ve been under a great deal of stress, so we’ll just put this up to you being more off than usual and call it a day.”
Lost in his own thoughts and unaware of what was going on around him Sam didn’t notice the look of need and regret that mingled in Gene’s eyes. He also didn’t notice he was back at his flat until Gene led him through the door, ordered him to rest, and left without so much as a backward glance.
Sam fell into an emotionally exhausted heap on his cot and immediately went to sleep.
“How safe do you feel Sam, living in such a strange place? I could help you if you let me but instead you rely upon him.”
Sam’s head jerked up from the end of the cot to see the test card girl from hell a few feet from where he lay.
“Are you trying to drive me as crazy as Billy? Is he on your list of victims as well?” Sam enquired in a hostile tone.
“I don’t know Billy but his fate could be yours unless you seek a safe haven within yourself. I could help you but you keep denying me.” Even her pouts were sinister Sam decided.
“I don’t want your help!”
“He won’t help you if that’s what you think.” She stated continuing to stare unerringly at him.
“Who are you talking about!? Just leave me be for one night please!” Sam suddenly pleaded needing to sleep more than seek answers he knew he wouldn’t get anyway. Whipping his pillow out to strike her, she was already gone and much like Billy, Sam sobbed himself to sleep.
end of part 1
Link to part 2: